Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
