As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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