I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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