Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
North Korea, Best Korea!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
