He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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