wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she peed on how many people?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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