porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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