he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
