So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
