Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
