Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
