Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
