Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
