Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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