i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
