Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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