I'm lost and stupid without you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
