Don't make out with my wife yet
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
