mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
