First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
