I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
