Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
