oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
