I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
