i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
