LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
