I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
