YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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