My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
