Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
