My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
false alarm. still invincible.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
