So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
