i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
