My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
