Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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