I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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