Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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