i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
two words...techno handjob
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
