i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
