I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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