yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
