What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
