i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
