Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
