I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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