I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
