...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
