I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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