I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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