Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
