I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
