I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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