margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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