I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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