dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
