ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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