Soap is not a condiment
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
