you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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